8/29/2008 - Sea Legs

My son and I were driving home this afternoon and were stuck in traffic. It was a typical New Mexico sunny day rain storm. The late afternoon sun was shining down reflecting through each and every raindrop. A great song came on and all of a sudden I realized that everything, I mean absolutely everything, seemed to be dancing along to the song: the leaves on the trees and bushes, the windshield wipers on all the cars around me, passing cars, the words coming from my son, the motion of the traffic. This continued all the way home while I looped the song on my iPod.

Here are the lyrics to the song "Sea Legs" by The Shins:

Of all the churning random hearts
Under the sun
Eventually fading into night,
These two are opening now
As we lie, I touch you
Under fuller light.

Girl, if you're a seascape
I'm a listing boat, for the thing carries every hope.
I invest in a single light.
The choice is yours to be loved
Come away from an emptier boat.

'Cause when the dead moon
Rises again
We've no time to start a protocol
To have us in.
And when the dog slides
Underneath a train,
There's no cry, no use to searching for
What mutts remain.

Throw all consequence aside
The chill aspire, people set alight.

Of all the intersecting lines in the sand
I routed a labyrinth to your lap.
I never used a map sliding off the land
On an incidental tide,
And along the way you know, they try
They try.

And we got sea legs
And we're off tonight
Can I've that to which they've no right?
You belong to a simpler time
I'm a victim to the impact of these words,
And this rhyme.

'Cause when that dead moon
Rises again
We've no time to start a protocol
To have us in.
And when the dog slides,
Open the door, and where'd she go?
There's no time, no use to searching for
The mutts remains.
Throw consequence aside and the chill aspire, people set alight.

8/27/2008 - Rebirth in the Clouds

Today my wife, son and I were walking around our neighborhood during sunset and we noticed a huge and beautiful cloud lit up in an interesting way. It resembled a phoenix with a long billowy tail, large curly wings and almost shimmering neck and head.

This image got me to thinking that maybe this represented Shuga reborn in the sky as a beautiful phoenix. I was following this train of thought and realized that the theme of images in the clouds could be followed throughout our journey with death. The foreshadowing of the dragon and eagle battle the other night followed by Shuga running around the sky the day she passed and now a big phoenix in the clouds. All the images remind me of Samson Agonistes by Milton. Milton describes Samson's internal turmoil after being imprisoned by the Philistines and the power of his hair cut off and his eye removed and the internal and external blindness he encounters. He discusses dragons, eagles and a rebirth that of a phoenix:

"And with blindness internal struck.
Semichor. But he though blind of sight,
Despis'd and thought extinguish't quite,
With inward eyes illuminated
His fierie vertue rouz'd
From under ashes into sudden flame,
And as an ev'ning Dragon came,
Assailant on the perched roosts,
And nests in order rang'd
Of tame villatic Fowl; but as an Eagle
His cloudless thunder bolted on thir heads.
So vertue giv'n for lost,
Deprest, and overthrown, as seem'd,
Like that self-begott'n bird
In the Arabian woods embost
That no second knows nor third,
And lay e're while a Holocaust,
From out her ashie womb now teem'd
Revives, reflourishes, then vigorous most
When most unactive deem'd,
And though her body die, her fame survives,
A secular bird ages of lives."

Samson Agonistes 1686-1708 by John Milton

8/24/2008 - Shuga RIP

I have been trying to think of the best way to post about this, but I guess I just need to do it.

Shuga had a slipped disk that was putting pressure on her spine. The vet told us that the good news about Shuga was that she was still feeling her hind legs. The best way to try and fix a slipped disk was to give her large amounts of steroid injections in hopes of decreasing the swelling and have it pop back into place. We hoped that by morning she would improve by morning.

In the morning we got a call from the vet saying that she had lost feeling in her hind legs which means that we were looking at surgery, which was unlikely to fix the problem or permanent paralysis. After much trepidation and crying we decided that she would be put to sleep. My wife took it the hardest as she had never been in the room during a euthanization. Shuga went peacefully and in the company of people who loved her. We buried her in Placitas at her parents property that afternoon.

Our three year old took it really well until he finally realized that she was not coming back. We told him that she is here with us in our hearts and we ca talk to her any time we want. He seemed content with this, although sad

The cool thing was that night at sunset. I went out on her parents' patio to take in the view and saw a dachshund shaped cloud almost running out of the sunset with ears flapping and a big smile on her face. I brought out my wife and she instantly started to cry. I know she is much better off now!

This song makes me think about Shuga:

"Oh Kay" by Pop Unknown

Hush now
Don't you cry
I'll be right here with you all the way
I'll catch up with you up there
Someday
I beg for you now
As you fall into nothing
All the way, all the way
Hold your head high
As you fall into nothing
Hold my hand as you slip away

I beg for you now
As you fall into nothing
Always

And i'm better
Better
Now that you've gone home
And i'm better
Better
Now that you've gone home

8/23/2008 - Dog Emergency

While my wife and I were out in the garage this evening, we heard horrible shrieks coming from the other room. We ran into the hall to find our Dachshund, Shuga, whimpering and taking deep breaths. After only a few minutes she started dragging one foot behind her. By the time I got her to the pet hospital both legs were being dragged. The vet told us, as most people know, that this breed tends to have spinal problems. They were going to attempt intense steroid therapy in hopes of relieving the swelling which was putting pressure on the spine. The good news was that there was still feeling in her toes. Once feeling is absent the prognosis goes south quickly.

8/20/2008 - Perception

I was reading an article on perception. The article stated that since the perception of our environment is built through the collection of information by our various sensory organs translated by our brains, we can never really know for sure that the object we are seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and/or tasting actually exists. Basically, we can only know that our brain has collected the information and interpreted it based on previous experience and deduction and presented to us what it feels the object is. The article was careful to state that this does not change the fact the the object is in fact real and is (most likely to be) what we perceive it to be.

This hit me in a familiar way. Many year ago I was contemplating this subject and wrote the following in my Book of Shadows:

"In previous times of deep thought I imagined that the world was a conspiracy to conceal the acts of an intellectual genius. That all the people in this world were setting up all the scenes that I viewed. Essentially it was all an act. Everyone was just playing their part in a play to make these environments seem real.

Upon further contemplation I determined that I was the one who was doing this. Wherever I went I, without knowing it, set up the environment using what I have "learned" was reality. A room has four walls, a ceiling, a floor, furniture, etc. I am conspiring with myself to keep the world real. I must relearn my perception devices and 'see through reality.'"